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I’ve said this before - I hope the Bong Hits 4 Jesus guy is doing alright.

Imagine making a shitpost so powerful it establishes constitutional precedent.

I have made a weird musical instrument. It is some kind of electronic just intonation kalimba I guess? With stars?

Just as God contracts to allow the universe to exist in the process the Kabbalists call tsimtsum, so too do I ball up the laundry real small to jam it into the drawer.

Tonight, say the three words she's been waiting for: "It's owl meat."

*barging into a baseball game*
are ya inning one?

"punk" is a shortening of "Kerplunk", the Green Day album which invented the genre

My coworker and former bandmate is about to assist a cow in giving birth.

Thank you coworker, for helping me trim the “leave the rat race and buy a farm in the Midwest” branch of my life’s possible future direction.

Screaming Females cover of "If It Makes You Happy" goes hard, that's my Sheryl Crow take

bev, ?? 

Ground Control to Minor Tom
Ground Control to Minor Tom
Drink some Mountain Dew and hang out with your mom

In a way, studio musicians are like the defense contractors of pop.

“Hey, I don’t need to be emotionally invested in this guided missile program, I just need to get paid. Also every time you blow up a tank I get three dollars.”

Frankenstein like “ain’t nobody gonna make my bride / there’s a little girl I have to drown, oh no”

the name Jim Henson tried before calling him "Swedish Chef" 

Dane Cook

You know that music game, "what's a cover that beats the original"?

Here's a new (to me) entry:

I wonder if Da Sharez0ne guy is looking to cash in Jim Davis style

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The Garfield Handy Ride video was cool, but when are we going to get a sexy skeleton themed tunnel of love called The Bone Zone?

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